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Looking out the window today, I was suprised to see my eldest daughter marching back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the house with a sign (and an apron, but whatever–it’s Ellen, so I just accept it.) After trying to decide what we had done to deserve protest, imagining signs such as “Ellen can play Runescape anytime!” or “Cleaning up is unfair!”, I asked her out of the window what the sign says. She turned around to completely surprise me with a sign that said “SEND OUR TROOPS HOME!” We don’t talk much about the war in Iraq here, and when we do it’s not generally to the kids, so this was certainly unexpected. Apparently, she read an article today about how a group marches up and down along some highways and asked Kim if she could join them. Deciding a 9 year old was a little too young to take part, Kim said she could march up and down on our sidewalk if she wanted. So, sign in hand, she did.

Of course, never to be forgotten in the realm of “never try to guess what kids will do or say”, as I was writing this, I heard Katie come inside from watching her sister yelling, “Mom! I need you to wash off my muffin!”

So, there.

My mother in law has made my kids’ costumes for the past several years. Each year, Katie goes as someone (or something) recognizable. Dog. Cow. Ghost. Whatever.

Each year Ellen goes as something (or someone) that no one would ever recognize. Dumbledore. The Solar System. Pearl, from Finding Nemo. Lyra, from The Golden Compass.

This year, the kids are thinking about what they’re going to go as. Katie hasn’t chimed in yet, but here is what Ellen’s thoughts on the subject were:

Eragon (with the expectation of Grandma making her armor…)
The Macintosh “Spinning Beach Ball of Death”
A quark (the sub-atomic particle)
A black hole.
A can of Sprite.

Then the giggles came and the real ideas went out the window.

Interchange between Katie and me after asking her about the two new hermit crabs she bought yesterday:

D: did you name your hermit crabs?
K: yeah, they’re names are Julie and Crystal
D: are they both girls?
K: how should i know?
D: maybe they told you!
K: Dad, hermit crabs can’t talk
D: maybe you just don’t speak hermit crab.
K: Daaad. They don’t talk.
D: did you know that bees can talk by dancing?
K: Yes. I saw that in a MIss Frizzle book.
D: well, maybe crabs can talk by dancing too…
K (dismissive and walking away): Yeah, right. There are crabs taking dancing lessons and maybe ballet too…
D: ….

Saturday and Sunday, we did that biannual event that has come to be known around here as the “garage sale” or “hell with lemonade.” Again, the same screwball cast of characters as in my last posting, so I won’t reiterate them, but there were 2 new addition to the mix:

1, Those people that think that you have more inside that not only aren’t you bringing outside, but that if they ask you quietly and secretly you’ll take them inside to see. This person took the form this weekend of A, people coming up to me asking if I had electronics for sale, or better still, B, a guy who, after looking at the sign I made that advertised exactly 1 King sized mattress and 1 dresser set, asked “Do you have any dishes?” When I mistakingly replied with a joke, “Yes, but they’re ours”, he said “ok, and followed me towards the front door. At this point, he got “There’s a reason that our own dishes aren’t on the sign…it’s because they’re not for sale,” along with a door slammed in his face.

2, the people who think you might have a slightly different version of what you’re actually trying to sell, as if we’re running a shoe store and have things in different sizes in the back. This was exemplified in at least 5 separate people, upon seeing that we had a KING SIZED MATTRESS for sale, decided to ask if we had either A, a twin, full, or queen mattress, or B, a full bedroom set for sale. What confuses me is why they might have thought that we’d want to sell these other things, but just not put them on the sign. As if we were thinking “we’ll just advertise the king sized one, but everyone will really know we have a stockroom full of bedwares for sale and can just ask!”

I hate people.

This was on Katie’s door at least a year ago, and I found it cleaning up my office. It appeared on her door following a similar notice on her sister’s door advising people to knock first. Katie puts her own spin on things.

For those who don’t speak Katie, the translation is below the picture:

“Please Knock. Do not pester. If you do I will fight you!!”

About 2 weeks ago, I sat down to watch that bastion of silliness, Monty Python and the Holy Grail with my dad and Ellen. From the bizarre credits that discuss how beautiful the møøse are in winter and how the movie was brought to you by Ralph the Wonder Llama, to the details of how a sparrow might carry a coconut, to the Knights of Ni!, she was hooked and giggled wildly. However, that did not prepare me for how much she was actually paying attention even with the chaos that is my house, the other conversations, and the rapid-fire goofiness coming from the screen.

I found THAT part out when we were sitting at the dinner table a few days ago and she decided to quote nearly the entire movie to us, almost verbatim. As she farted in our general direction and informed us that our mother was a hamster and our father smelled of elderberries, I saw myself sitting there, waxing eloquently on the stupidest things I could think of, expecting the world to laugh along with me. Sadly, it’s just as goofy coming from her mouth now as it was from my mouth then, even though I can (and occasionally still do) quote the wizard that some call…Tim!

My little uber-geek.

Almost amazingly, it’s been one year today that my friend Greg passed away from complications after a lung transplant. Greg’s mom had been hinting at wanting myself and Emily to come visit, but then IM’d the other day saying they weren’t ready to do so. If it were me, I’d be hiding under a rock on this “anniversary”, but they’re made of stronger stuff than that.

Also, it’s probably a good thing since Emily is either about to give birth or has done so already (not yet as of 2 days ago!) and would probably not have been able to make it. We’re rooting for today as the birthdate because of how nice it would be to remember today for something happy. Go baby Sparkle!

We miss you, Greg. Not in the same way as we did 11 months ago, but I doubt we ever won’t. Eleanor, Dale, my thoughts go out to you today.

This might happen in NY if there were more brains around to be had, but alas, it seemed limited to San Francisco (at least until it happens for real and we’re all turned into zombies by the forces of darkness).

I include one picture for those of you too lazy (or timid) to follow the link above:

Our little celebrity has made an appearance in the courts of West Orange, only to be captured for posterity below:

The caption below the article reads:

Above, third grader Ellen Meyerson giggles as a judge tells her that her punishment for speeding is a $75 fine – plus no cookies, cupcakes, or fruit snacks for a week. Ellen was among a group of third graders from Hazel Elementary school from West Orange who toured the West Orange Police Dept., the Municipal Courtroom and Township Hall as part of the West Orange Government Day, sponsered by the Township for the past 15 years.

Faithful readers of this blog know that I think my daughters are the smartest kids in the world, but I submit a bit of proof for Ellen. Here’s a school assignment that she spent 10 minutes on, a picture that she had to write a short story about. When she wants to, she can put together something that, as far as I can tell, is better written than many things adults write.

The Assignment:

The Story:
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As I hid in the bushes, Tarbosaurus roared. I smelled his foul breath. I saw his jagged claws. And I heard his earsplitting ROAR! I longed to be in my nest of soft twigs and leaves. But I knew that if I tried to escape, I’d be as good as dead. Lifes not easy when your a psittarosaurus, but you have to learn to live with it. Maybe the tarbosaurus would go away? I hoped it would! I wanted to see my mate as soon as possible! Tarasaurus lifted his giant hear and sniffed. It seemed to smell something else so it walked away from me and I, feeling very happy, walked home.
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