July 2004 Archives

...out of the mouth of a 4 year old. Such as this morning, when I've heard Katie start about 30 sentences with the line "According to my research..."

How much research can a 4 year old actually do? Does she have a lab somewhere tha I don't know about, with assistants and all kinds of specialized equipment? Where did the funding for all this come from?

Should I be worried??

OK, I'm a burger fan, but this here...this is incredible. This is a meal that weighs what my CHILD weighed when she was born.

Sometimes, you just wish things were a joke, or they're so awful, you can't believe they're not. This is definately one of those times.

You'd think, though, that it shouldn't be RED, wouldn't you?

Is it made of tomatos or tomatoes?

This is from the NY Times, and is the acccount of a journalist with a sleep disorder. I'm going to do that exact thing in 2 weeks--head to a sleep center to check into whether I have one or not.

Next week, part II!

This from the wonderful Neil Gaiman's blog, and mind:

This one puzzled me when it came in. Short, to the point, but a little opaque.

Can i have a short summary of each chapter please?, I need it because it is for my journal I will thank you so much.
 
But when that was immediately followed by the equally desperate, 

I really need it if you do not mind, thank you, I will give the credit that you need.
 
How could I say no? So: A short summary of each chapter. Er. Right.

In Chapter One we meet Johnny Theremin.
In Chapter Two we learn all about the Men Without Tents and why they claim to need an original 78 rpm recording of Raymond Scott's "Dinner Music For A Pack Of Hungry Cannibals" so badly.
In Chapter Three Johnny Theremin is locked out of his office by the landlord, and Morris Glanz buys (but does not eat) a bar of chocolate.
In Chapter Four Millicent loses her glove, and the dinosaurs attack. Tap-dancing occurs. Johnny Theremin is beaten over the head with a blunt instrument. (Later revealed to be a bassoon.)
In Chapter Five Johnny learns to snorkel, and The Faceless Chickens make their first move.
In Chapter Six Johnny meets Belladonna (who advertises herself professionally as "Slippery When Wet") and loses her again, in tragical circumstances.
In Chapter Seven we discover a cache of Raymond Scott Quintette records, and finally understand why the aliens are so scared of trellises.  
In Chapter Eight the secret of Millicent's glove is finally revealed, as are Miss Belladonna's unusual physical characteristics. Once more Johnny Theremin is beaten over the head with a blunt instrument. This time it's a harpsichord.
In Chapter Nine The Men Without Tents return, bearing omelettes. Terrible things are proposed. Omelettes are regurgitated.
In Chapter Ten, Johnny pays the rent, and is finally allowed back into his office, where Millicent discovers her true self, behind the sofa. The aliens ascend with the Other Glove, but not before persuading the Faceless Chickens to leave humanity alone. Probably. For this week.
And at the last, in the Epilogue, Belladonna eats the late Morris Glanz's bar of chocolate.

You're welcome.

That's just bloody brilliant.

Thanks, dear Di...now, where the HELL are you?

Family's home. Kim and the kids arrived home last night in a short window of "good" (i.e., not Noah-flood-story rainy) weather. They had taxied out to the runway where they proceeded to sit for 90 minutes, she and 2 little girls. However, they are GOOD little girls and were quiet and watched a video and read their books and met me at the airport jumping into my arms.

And it's good to have them home. I do like the solitude of these stretches, but I miss my partner lying next to me at night, and I miss my children running around with my name on their lips to see how well they did a puzzle in a video game or to look at the piece of totally random "artwork" they made just for me, etc.

We'll see how long this lasts...;)

So it's been 2 weeks that my family is away in the great state of Iowa and although I miss them, it's been a nice, quiet break. No getting up early, I've been going to bed earlier, too, which has been nice. Dinner is whenever. There's something really nice about being responsible only for myself. But I miss my little ones terribly and I miss my wife just as much. They're my lives, and it always takes this forced emptiness to show that.

But, I DO like sleep too. ;)

Went to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban again tonight, but went to the Loew's IMAX on 61st and Broadway in the city. This screen is...BIG. BIG isn't a big enough word. 8 stories high, 12,000 watt speaker system. BIGBIG. That's a bit better. It was very very cool. I loved the movie, but it was SO clear you could catch all the little details (like the guy reading "A Brief History of Time" in the Leaky Cauldron!), and the sound was absolutely pristine so I heard everything. We're gonna try to catch spiderman 2 when it comes there in a month or so.

The commute back, however, was very annoying. There's SUPPOSED to be a 24 hour local bus that runs near my house, from Newark. I found out the hard way that there isn't. Well, $35 for a cab is better than sleeping in the Newark bus terminal...

Out late last night to diner with friends. We went to Carmine's, in the city. Good food, spotty service. I had a great time, but after the 11 PM bus home, finally in bed at 1, up at 7...TIRED. And tonight, it's the Harry Potter at IMAX, again on the 11 PM bus...i'll be wiped by tomorrow, but it's fun to get out.

Zzzzzzzz

(BTW, for those reading this on the same amount of sleep as he who is writing this, the title was a reference to "burning the candle at both ends. Geez...)

Grouchy, grouchy, grouchy...and then filp the channel to Turner Classic Movies and there's Superman I, the best of them all, and with it a broad smile across my face. I'll tell you, the scene where he saves Lois the first time, and he says "Don't worry, Miss. I've got you.", to which she responds "Y-you've got me...Who's got you!?"...what a great scene.

I'm up much later than I wanted, but boy do I feel better.

Thanks, Superman!

You know, sometimes things just mount up, and it can happen in a hurry. Here i was 5 minutes ago in a good mood and then BAM, just a few things and I'm really pissy.

To anyone I offend during this time, I apologize in advance.

Unless you deserve it.

This, courtesy of The New York Times:

Sneak Preview! The Cheney-Edwards Debate By ANDY BOROWITZ

LANNING for the 2004 vice presidential debate is already under way. In an attempt to level the playing field, Senator John Edwards's image will be digitally altered to make him 40 percent less "hot looking," and Vice President Dick Cheney will be on a five-second delay. Finally, each man has submitted a wish list of questions to ask the other during the high-stakes face-off.

QUESTIONS FOR DICK CHENEY

1. Former Senator Alfonse D'Amato has suggested President Bush dump you from the ticket. What's your response to him, in two words?

2. If Halliburton and the Carlyle Group both invited you to the movies on the same night, who would you go with?

3. Over the past four years, how many days would you say you spent above ground?

4. Describe in detail your favorite high-impact aerobics routine.

5. Didn't "Fahrenheit 9/11" totally rock?

6. Exactly when did you remove Kenneth Lay from your online buddy list?

7. If there really are no plans to reinstitute the draft, why did you just request a sixth deferment?

8. Is it true that you wept during Darth Vader's death scene?

9. If anything happened to you while serving a second term, would George Bush be fit to be president?

10. Here's something I've always wondered: Does the other side of your mouth work?

QUESTIONS FOR JOHN EDWARDS

1. Who made the final out in the 1954 World Series?

2. What do you have that Dick Gephardt doesn't have, besides eyebrows?

3. Agree/disagree with the following statement: "Litigators are opportunistic leeches who are sucking the lifeblood from our nation's economy."

4. On average, how many times a day do you check yourself out in shiny surfaces?

5. Is it true that your son, Jack, said of Senator Kerry, "Daddy, please don't make me play with that weird old guy anymore"?

6. On the night Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon, which pajamas were you wearing, the ones with the cowboys or the ones with the ducks?

7. What's your secret to remaining fully conscious when Senator Kerry is speaking?

8. What's Malibu Barbie really like?

9. If, as you say, there are two Americas, which one is your vacation home in?

10. Do you have any idea how late it is? This is a school night.

I love the question about the PJ's...;)

Thanks to Greg for this bit of incredibly accurate personality testing. Seriously, that's me.

You are an SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

An undeniable sexiness. Alright!

I thought I was supposed to be like 50 and getting slow and old before I had my home to myself...but lo, my kids and wife left this morning for nearly 3 weeks. It's interesting, and I guess expected, but I was SO looking forwards to the free time and lack of responsibility and now that it's here I'm pretty sad. Not completely, mind you, but I was kinda weepy last night for sure. My kids are just getting to that age where they're more fun than hassle, they're very affectionate, and, well, I just miss them already.

And, being home alone, I'm starting to talk to myself already. Not a great sign.

Sitting in a Dorney Park pizza place, after about 7 hours of rides, Ellen was feeling a bit wiped and a bit cranky, and just didn't want to be sitting there. That said, here's the conversation.

Katie (to me): I ate the piece of pizza all by myself!
Me: well, it cooled down a bit, right?
Katie: yeah!
Ellen (to no one in particular): well, it wasn't really that impressive then...

I have no one to blame but myself. That's all me. *sigh*

This is going to seem obvious to people who have done this for years, but it's really nice to be able to go back and read your own entries. Especially, in my case, going back and reading things that your kids have done or said and you've forgotten. It's nice to go and see it all in...well, not "black and white" but perhaps in sort of "grey and ecru"?

Perhaps I'll change the colors...but not the stories. :)

And they go. As mine was concerned yesterday, it was pretty good. Spent time with the kids doing stuff, which got a little frustrating, but then we took them to the amazing seafood buffet dinner at The Manor, which despite it's stuffiness, really rocks. Then we went to see the hugely entertaining Spiderman 2 at a pretty good theatre. Got good seats right in the middle and was bowled over by a wonderfully thoughtful, powerful, exciting flick. Really good stuff.

I shouldn't have gone to bed at 2:30 last night, though, but I needed to talk to a friend and let her know that she's still wanted, and always will be. Sometimes, you suck it up for that sort of thing, even when you know you have a 3 year old bounding into your bed at 6...

Today, a day out with friends, tomorrow nothing planned for the 4th. Odd how that happens. Just not a priority, I guess. It's fun to see fireworks, but just not worth the crowds, especially with the kids so young. Monday, the plan is Dorney Park with the kids. We'll see! I hope the weather is good. I love places like that, and for some reason, the characters that are associated with it are the Peanuts troupe, which my kids love. It's SO cute seeing my brilliant little 6 year old reading the comic books and giggling her ass off on her own. She's so damn advanced, it's wonderful and a bit scary.

OK, don't post in 3 weeks and then logorrhea sets in. I'll mercifully end this. Right. Now.

Er...now.